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Whirlwind past week. Planes, trains and automobiles. Away from family, immersed in the Russian language, cultural thinking and projects. The timing of our septic problem wasn’t great. Upon returning last night, my heart and mind was not the only thing overflowing. Gracious.

“A humble self-knowledge is a surer way to God than a search after deep learning.” -Thomas Kempis

Finishing up the final paper for my first completed year at Fuller. One word, formation. To step away from your context, to look deeply inside with a cohort of fellow learners has been nothing short of transforming. For too long my view of leadership has been nestled in personality, natural & acquired gifting – in short, it’s been worldly. This corporate style leader, the one with all the supposed answers and vision is a reflection not of who I really am – but a product, a brand, a false-self projection that I’ve been striving into.

We are not our successes. We are not our failures. We’re not even our beliefs. We are.

“Grant Lord that I may know myself that I may know Thee” -Augustine

This person God created, the real you. The one that hides in the shadows. The broken, insecure, fragile you that seeks meaning and affirmation. Jesus deeply loves that person. He can’t love anyone else but the real person, because all else is an illusion of our own making – either what others have pressed upon us as ‘successful’ and worthy of love, or what we’ve been deceived into thinking is worthy.

Is your Gospel deep enough to accept and unconditionally love the real you? Is your Gospel powerful enough to reach down into the depths of you, and begin forming you from the inside out? Are we polishing up the outside projection or moving from shadow into the purging rays of His presence?

“Whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.” John 3:21

Why would Augustine challenge us into a ‘self-knowing’? Isn’t that the exact opposite of what Christians should do? After all, aren’t we supposed to cast aside the old nature, the old person and dive into knowing Christ? I think he was saying this (as have Christians throughout history until the last century), that until we turn inward and wrestle and come to terms with our broken, true self in shadow, we’ll never know the depths, heights, and wonders of grace. We’ll spend our lives attempting a relationship with God from the place of projection, much like the Pharisees. We’ll assume because we practice certain moralities and by comparison seem quite successful in them, that we have something we potentially do not – relationship!

You see, we’re not just sinners, we are deeply loved sinners and the plan of God from the start was the miracle of transformation – but it takes a brave, trusting, surrender to embrace this realty – That in our most desperate condition, that’s really who we are and no striving or religious zeal can convince God otherwise. Remember, it was not immoral or lazy believers that were rejected in Matthew 7. These disciples cast out demons and performed many miracles! Think about that. They were missional, active, productive in their fervor for Christ, yet met with Christs, “Depart from me, I never knew you.”

They thought they knew Jesus through production, doing. Their symbols of outward affirmation trick us at times into believing we are perhaps someone we are not. We Christians are not free from this life journey of self discovery. In fact, I think we are some of the worst pretenders in the game. Religion rears its ugly head in thinking outward uniformity is real unity, adhering to code, ideas, following blind leaders thinking there must be safety in the pack.

Beware the affirmation in doing unless it comes from the place of true being.

I’m rediscovering Christ, faith in the purging rays of transparency in solitude – and the results are freeing. This, spiritual formation, is the heart of discipleship. As a leader, I must lead in this process and come alongside others who are desiring to go deeper than institutional religion. I’m becoming less aware of other opinions, and more concerned with being who I am. This isn’t an excuse for poor behavior, but rather just the opposite, it’s a ruthless process of wanting true inward change that I don’t ‘need’ to worry about my behavior. If behavior is coming from any place than my true forming self, it’s an act, it’s weak, and false. If Jesus appreciates sincerity, we all must come to the Cross and nail that false self there for good.

Once we realize the polished religious or performance self is our enemy, the game is on. We need to bring all that is false to Calvary, the place where our new identity is found.

Put on the new self which is being renewed. Col 3:9-10

Which ‘self’ are you living into?

Explorers Full of Wonder

Sunday night we had our first meeting as “Explorers.” There are hearts that want to know more. We want to meet this desire in fresh new ways. What is out there that we can still learn? Are there new things that can continue to shape our lives? Are there wonders about God that remain undiscovered by us?

We ended our time with a picture of a hand holding a sparkler. Do you remember the first time you held a sparkler as a child? “What was wonderful about childhood is that anything in it was a wonder. It was not merely a world full of miracles; it was a miraculous world,” said G.K. Chesterton. Remember when things delighted us and filled us with wonder? Jesus said to receive the Kingdom of God like a child. We enjoy watching a child be amazed. Maybe it makes us sad that it is not so with us anymore. Life has taken its toll and we forget what it is like to be enraptured with things. It was my prayer as we gathered into groups that I would be reminded to “wonder” again. The kingdom of God belongs to those who have an unabashed faith and an open delight in the love of the Father. There are things we can all still discover about God as we explore and be amazed at.

Loving on some new kids

Yesterday was the first day of new outreach! Several people who work with us have felt the nudging of the Spirit to reach out to the children in our town who are living in some pretty desperate situations, in deep poverty or homes with substance abuse. Every Monday afternoon, they will spend a couple of hours with them, feeding them a healthy meal, doing some fun activities, and sharing the love of God over their lives. The hope is to bring light and love to the parents of these children as well. This is new and unknown territory for the team. There will be challenges ahead. They are taking these steps in faith and we ask that you pray for them as they get involved in these precious lives. We have begun this in partnership with a new sponsor – “High 5 Give 5.” Thank you to an old friend, Bettina, (who helped us start the Widows Care program several years ago with World Challenge) who is willing once again to invest with a new outreach.

Club 180

We are continuing our Club 180 student nights, which take place on Wednesday evenings. Dima and Lena are now in charge of it and we have a newly married young couple, Vitya and Anya, that we would like to train to be the next leaders. It has been a joy to watch Anya’s journey. She first came as a student and slowly turned her heart towards the love of Christ. She is growing into His image and serving those around her. It seems so natural and normal we can forget what a miracle it is to be “called out of darkness and into his marvelous light.” I Peter 2:9

Refresh

Desiring to help people connect with God in deeper, more meaningful ways, we are creating a few weekends throughout the year that give time and space for quiet and rest. These are times of silence, times of prayer, where all outside distractions are put aside and hearts have the opportunity they need to hear something from God. We just held our third one the last weekend of February. It’s a new experience for most of us, I think, to allow this amount of quiet for our souls, but it is really a refreshing time to just ‘be’ in the presence of our Maker.

Time in Texas

We had a tremendous time in Texas. It is always such an encouragement and so much fun to meet with new friends, old friends, and, of course, with family! We look forward to how God will continue to bless these relationships as we all work together in his kingdom. One of the highlights of the trip was the board meeting we had in Dallas with most of the board members of MIR. It is an extraordinary thing to be a part of a group that all desire to hear and follow God’s leading. We are not a business board with agendas to accomplish, but a group of people put together by God to listen. We were reassured and heartened by the response that this truly is the desire of every person involved. The prayer together was a strengthening and comforting time.

We hope you are blessed by the creative efforts of our team member Sveta, who designs these quotes/scriptures, our brochures, advertising, social media compilations, and other odd jobs. 🙂

Beginning this Sunday evening at the Big House 6:30p – Dive deeper into matters of faith, philosophy, meaning of life with fellow sojourners.

Our first Leaders Retreat for the year was wonderful! For some it was a time of refreshing, for others it was an important time of hearing from the Lord in very important life decision matters.  I’m going to just post some photos now in hopes that I’ll have more time later to share some testimonies and ways God is shaping this core for future mission. Very encouraged, humbled, and ready for a nap!

Thank everyone for praying – we had several send us notes that they were lifting us all up. 34 young leaders, from around Ukraine, Belarus, France and US – those hungry to grow, deepen their faith and see the Kingdom of God come in legit ways to our generation.

You can follow us on Facebook Group for details of upcoming events – come on over!  Teach, share, give, fuel this emerging generation with us 🙂 Click here

Here’s a few slides form our Leadership & Spiritual formation review – it’s taken from some the books I’m having to read from Fuller and learning over the past few semesters – so good!