Our family has landed in North America! We arrived in mid-January just in time for grandbabies #3 and #4. We then made our way north to Canada. We had rented the house next door to my parents from Feb-April, however upon arriving it became apparent that due to some delayed repairs on the place, we wouldn’t be moving in anytime soon. As I type, we’re actually unsure about our next steps. Our family has been living out of suitcases for the past month. I long for the blessings of a sock drawer!

My mom is doing well, all things considered with her cancer battle. She’s been on some heavy medications that buy time, but decrease energy and are hard on her. We know God led us back here to love and serve my parents as best we can in this season, but we didn’t plan to move in with them – so, we are praying! 

Claire and Abigail are now enrolled in the local catholic school. The teachers and staff were exceedingly accommodating and after two days, the girls are enjoying it. They are, however, quite behind. Abigail’s first class was.. French! Claire, although untested, has a unique learning disability when it comes to reading, so we’re hoping God provides the resources to learn more about her challenge ahead. As for Noah, we’ve signed him up for a GED program in Pennsylvania, starting in March so his plan is to move in with his brothers, get his Driver’s License, a part time job and enter this course to finish high school this summer sometime. Noah, who lives and breathes classical music, has applied to a summer classical arts program in Canada which lasts about 3 weeks, and looks like a dream opportunity for him. We’re praying he gets accepted.. but the standards are quite high. I’m attaching a little video we had to take to show the school his level below, if you’d like to take a listen and pray for him!!

Deb is quite busy with her Chaplaincy course, which she will complete, Lord willing, this fall. I am trying to organize some things for my parents, including organizing their bills and utilities. I am on break from doctoral studies until the end of March, but continue to organize interviews with Ukrainian, Russian and Belorussian believers as part of field research. I had thought I had a pretty neat job lined up locally with a ministry, but in the end I wasn’t the best fit. I have another opportunity that I’ve applied for, had a Zoom interview and now wait for a potential in-person visit. There’s a lot up in the air right now, and we really appreciate prayer!

It’s been really great to see all of our kids, except for Clark who is living in Texas. We hope to organize a trip to Longview and see him, and many of our long-time friends this Spring as well. We don’t feel, however, that it’s time to plan much of anything besides remain present, and allow the Lord’s direction and help. We have a deep peace, despite now knowing what we’re doing!

As for the ministries in Ukraine and Romania, we thank everyone who continues to support our friends and ministries there! It means so much to us to be able to pause our active involvement there and know God is caring for these investments and the people who lead them. Pray for Elsa and the team as they watch God bless and move through Lighthouse in Romania! Pray for our widow’s ministry in Ukraine as Natasha and our local volunteers there visit and love on the elderly this winter. Through your giving, we are able to keep sending monthly care packages to the most vulnerable. Pray for Dima and Lena, for our properties in Ukraine, and for this war to end soon.

We’ll be speaking at some churches, and exploring what opportunities God brings to us in this coming month. I’m grateful that our charity, Mir Ministries, is now also serving in Asia and partnering with more ministries. I see a potential mission network emerging and say “yes” to the Spirit if this is Jesus’ will. Yet, I’m also at peace to take my hands off the mission wheel for this season, knowing that it’s the power of the Spirit that enables all eternal, and sustainable activity in the first place.

Thank you, friends! Blessings on your family’s gratitude for all who continue partnering with us in Eastern Europe!

I’ve been reading “The Divine Conspiracy” by Dallas Willard. Spoiler alert, the conspiracy is that “God’s desire for us is that we should live in Him.” You remember, “in him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). But, what does this really mean?

Willard suggests God is, in God’s own nature, a “community of boundless love” from which we are all “invited to make a pilgrimage into.” For many of us, we’ve been taught this unifying end game is heaven, a place detached from the material world. Gratefully, the revelation of Jesus in history suggests we don’t have to wait for death for our own life to experience God’s plan for us, or the world He loves.

C.S. Lewis wrote, “Our faith is not a matter of hearing what Christ said long ago, and trying to ‘carry it out’.. Rather the real Son is at your side, He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself.” Could this be true? Could the coming of Jesus kingdom have flung open the reality in this present life to enter the passion of God’s own nature. God’s suffering, divesting, and perfectly glorious nature are indeed at work in all who believe and follow Jesus way.

This is how the kingdom of Jesus moves and advances in the earth.

To be a Christian, is to be like Jesus Christ, not just do like Christ, as meaningful as that. All our doing flows from God’s divine conspiracy to transform our being. Once we begin this journey of transformation, participating in the active will of God becomes our aim as the church. Willard says it like this. “For God is unlimited creative will, and constantly invites us, even now, into an even larger share in what he is doing.” As we are caught up into God’s active will, “our deeds become an element in God’s eternal history.”

Isn’t that a wild thought! We all want to be participants in God’s unfolding history. We all care about what’s happening in the world and if we’re human, want to be part of bringing lasting, flourishing change. Yet, to experience this, I’m learning I must enter God’s reality, and actualize God’s kingdom in the moments. His kingdom is here, and our transformation into Jesus’ image from the inside out advances it forward.

This makes mission all the more daunting, and sacrificial. God’s not interested, I believe, in a people willing to fling a particular message around to our neighbors. We are to, in the pattern of Christ’s coming, incarnate love, which begins with taking up a cross… then we are privileged to enter the lives of others, like Christ, and love (whatever the cost).

I’m reminded in all of the political upheaval presently in the West, that Jesus’ kingdom was not of this earth (Jn 18:36). That doesn’t mean that Jesus’ kingdom wasn’t intended FOR earth, but rather Jesus’ dismissal of the current world’s broken system. If ever there was a need for the church to embody Jesus, and enter our cultures as a people being transformed!

Bruce Crowe

This might be the longest stretch without a post on my blog. I’ve lacked the motivation to write as things wind down here in Romania. Things change once you make a decision. We can dream, and talk of our hopes with others, but once we draw a definitive line in the sand, normal rhythms are interrupted and relationships altered.

Earlier this summer, Deb and I felt the leading of the Spirit to focus on launching Lighthouse Cluj as our last act of mission work in Eastern Europe for the foreseeable future. With my mom’s cancer incurable, we felt the invitation to trust God and move to Canada by the start of 2025. From that decision, our life became a series of check boxes, tasks, documents, and timelines. As much as we are grateful for the friends we made the first two years in Romania, the nature of those relationships changed in part because our friends realized we weren’t staying, and in part because we did.

As I sit down now, with Christmas approaching next week and life all but shut down now for the next two weeks, I’m saddened by the full weight of this transition. We’ll be moving to Canada with three of our kids, Noah (17), Abigail (12) and Claire (10). They’ve visited the US, and Canada, sometimes for extended periods due to the war, then Brent’s health crisis, but never to live, or to make friends, go to school, and integrate. It’s been 28yrs since Deb and I first moved to Canada, spending our first two years of marriage there. Starting over, yet returning home.

There’s a small silver lining in the transition. The Lord allowed us to witness a beautiful ministry launch with Lighthouse here in Cluj. It might not seem like much to others with big fancy ministries, or businesses.. but the space downtown for us is a witness to the loving mercy of Jesus in this city. We are so grateful that we’re not just leaving Ukraine, with the ashes of destruction that Russia has heaped, and continues to heap on the people. Destroyed lives, routines, rhythms, neighborhoods, families, churches and all that makes life predictable, and most of the time, good. It’s all gone. After the first year of war, all that fled the country began to realize that going ‘back’ wasn’t really back at all.. it was back to the country of Ukraine, but not the life that was. That life is now a memory, and for us, one that we will cherish for the rest of our lives. It wasn’t perfect, of course, and we have regrets for not really enjoying the journey more than we did, but it was our life, our memories, friendships and witness to the love of Jesus.

With Lighthouse Ukraine closed for the winter, without a vision currently for re-opening until the war is finished and God reveals the next step, we are able to leave for North America with a sliver lining of a newly birthed space here. It came together over the course of 2024, and we now hand over the reigns to Elsa, and a growing team of internationals that God has drawn close. We give thanks for that, and we will be praying for them, and sending them financial resources, perhaps even some teams in 2025 as we navigate forward.

So it’s goodbye to Romania. Yesterday we had an interesting fight with the immigration department, I hesitate to even type of about it, but it’s the stuff of life when you try and legally live among the vestigates of broken soviet systems. We’ve been landlocked, unable to leave the country as a family since submitting our visa application this fall. The system is so broken, so inconsistent, and illogical, it has gotten the better of me on many occasions. We’re now forced to leave this January without the kids visas, making them essentially illegal and potentially needing to pay a fine when we exit. I don’t care anymore, I’m tired. Tired physically of jumping through their continuous hoops, tired of spending so much money on their changing processes, tired of not feeling like we belong, being visitors and second class citizens. Surely the Lord will use our multi-cultural experience moving forward, even if it’s to stand in solidarity with those on the outside looking in, refugees, folks stuck the systems that dominant cultures place outside of visible notice.

So, I didn’t mean to vent, but it all adds up when you feel like you’ve given your life to serve Christ in a foreign place, and over time, that foreign place does it’s work on your soul. The heart longs to be home, to belong, and those living in other countries are in a constant state, even at the best of times, of home sickness. Now that we are flying to the US in January and moving up to Canada, I feel as though I’ve lost the grace, strength and patience that kept us buoyed all these years for life in foreign lands.

We are having a cute little Christmas here at our house.. our pruned down abode. Claire keeps the Christmas spirit alive, as do most children. We are really looking forward to seeing our adult children as well.. we’ll see everyone immediately except for Clark who is in Longview these days. Deb goes to Bronwyn up in NY for her delivery, and I stay back in PA with the kids and Kristin at our house in PA. Then, once babies and mamas are settled, we’ll head up to Canada, initially as visitors until Deb’s permanent residence is complete. That process started in August and had required many documents, from Ukraine, and Romania and even required Deb to fly to Bucharest twice for health certificates, biometrics (fingerprints) and xrays. We were able to get all three kids Canadian proof of citizenship this fall as well. Another arduous process.. the Canadian government is only slightly more logical, but very cumbersome and unforgiving (you can’t talk to anyone, it’s all automated).

So the plan, is that we will move next door to my parents. We’ve rented, at least for the first three months, a small house. We have no idea what we will do next. I was just informed that I’ve been overlooked for a position both Deb and I really felt peace about at a local ministry space. The interviews were on Zoom, and those never feel quite right. I suspect they went with someone less missional, someone that will follow a plan vs create one. I’m hopeful that God has something in line with our calling, our education, our hearts. However, I’m also open to working something that starts, and stops. I have many ideas, but sort of back to the drawing board with prayer and seeking God for patience and His will. We will continue to oversee Mir, the charity, channeling funds as they come, communicating and looking for ways to come alongside the Spirit from afar. Locally, my focus is on my mom, my family, she lost her son to ‘mission’ a couple decades ago, and with time limited, I hope we can make some beautiful memories and grow together.

So it’s Christmas. There’s no snow, or just a light dusting on some days. I have no desire to enter the frey, shop, or gather in groups. Deb is on break, having pushed hard this past semester with her Chaplainy course. She has 3 more semesters left, and will graduate, Lord willing, August 2025. It’s going to cost around $10k more for her to finish. I have finished 3 years of a 4 year doctoral degree.. I lost a year from the war however and had to restart with another cohort and repeat a year.. therefor, I am still needing to finish 2 more (6 quarters). It’s pretty wild to think how long I’ve been a student while also juggling life, ministry, family etc. Still a ways to go, but I am loving my research, now that most of the literature review (reading, writing) is finished. I interview a Ukrainian, Russian, or Belorusian once per week on Zoom and collect data for my dissertation. Eventually, Lord willing, Deb and I will both be finished, and come out of this transitional season with something hopefully meaningful, perhaps even new to contribute in the world for Jesus.

This has been written for posterity, memory. I am sad, sad to be closing this chapter, but ready for this change. Change is a constant, there is no static in this life. Managing change, our own internal change, embracing the Spirit’s work.. we all have so far to go, so much more shaping to experience as we live into love more honestly. I know I do. So come Lord Jesus. We thank you for the past, be with us in the present, and make our way straight – for your name’s sake.

Just returned from a beautiful Romanian mountain retreat and thought to post for posterity 🙂 Our friends from the Methodist church in Romania, leaders from various non-profit ministries gathered for their annual retreat and for the second year in a row, Deb and I facilitated the sessions.

We used the framework, “Stages of Faith” to give a bird’s eye view through Saturday on the formation of a self over the years.. from the early awakenings to divinity, to the initial learning stages, into production, then the mid-life characteristics of unlearning-relearning. It’s always a fun, and often challenging process to consider our own unique personhood, made in the image of God… a time to get on the balcony and look upon the dancefloor.

In any case, we’re grateful for friends, and hope we can return Lord willing next fall and continue investing in deeper friendships and learning with these and other friends.

Now, our focus turns to the final stages of our own in Romania.. as we countdown the remaining 3 months until we pack up and return to Canada to come alongside my mom in her health battle, and explore God’s next chapter in this life’s journey.

This week we are, Lord willing, selling the Big House, the guest house we used for a many-a-retreats of our own in Ukraine. It’s bittersweet.. we’re selling it to our friends, missionaries from Australia the Paxa’s. They have been serving at-risk kids and youth with an after school program for several years, and during the war.. the’ve been praying for their own space for many years and we’re all anticipating this house will be a haven for their continued healing and emotional, and spiritual growth. Then, I need to somehow get to Ukraine myself in the next 2 months in order to sign important tax documents that are impossible to do remotely for Lighthouse.

Lighthouse here in Cluj had a neat week, hosting international college students in our free co-working zone. The word is slowly getting out, and we pray they find this space welcoming and part of their own relational and academic rhythms. Pray Elsa and her team that she is trying to assemble so that she’s not the only one managing the space during the week.

Lots of other things happening, from documents for Deb (Canada), to flights just purchased – Deb will fly out January 10th to Bronwyn for her baby arrival, then January 15th the rest of us fly to PA for Kristen’s. We’ll be arriving just as two new grandbabies arrive in the world!

Great news! Deb and I received 5 year Romanian visas! It’s really a last-minute miracle for us and keeps the door open for our family to legally return for short and long term if God doesn’t have any obvious next steps for us. We aren’t sure what is next, and holding all things before the Lord – praying that age-old prayer, the one that pulls all believing hearts back to the throne of mercy in times of uncertainty.. “Not my will, but Yours be done.”