This might be the longest stretch without a post on my blog. I’ve lacked the motivation to write as things wind down here in Romania. Things change once you make a decision. We can dream, and talk of our hopes with others, but once we draw a definitive line in the sand, normal rhythms are interrupted and relationships altered.
Earlier this summer, Deb and I felt the leading of the Spirit to focus on launching Lighthouse Cluj as our last act of mission work in Eastern Europe for the foreseeable future. With my mom’s cancer incurable, we felt the invitation to trust God and move to Canada by the start of 2025. From that decision, our life became a series of check boxes, tasks, documents, and timelines. As much as we are grateful for the friends we made the first two years in Romania, the nature of those relationships changed in part because our friends realized we weren’t staying, and in part because we did.
As I sit down now, with Christmas approaching next week and life all but shut down now for the next two weeks, I’m saddened by the full weight of this transition. We’ll be moving to Canada with three of our kids, Noah (17), Abigail (12) and Claire (10). They’ve visited the US, and Canada, sometimes for extended periods due to the war, then Brent’s health crisis, but never to live, or to make friends, go to school, and integrate. It’s been 28yrs since Deb and I first moved to Canada, spending our first two years of marriage there. Starting over, yet returning home.
There’s a small silver lining in the transition. The Lord allowed us to witness a beautiful ministry launch with Lighthouse here in Cluj. It might not seem like much to others with big fancy ministries, or businesses.. but the space downtown for us is a witness to the loving mercy of Jesus in this city. We are so grateful that we’re not just leaving Ukraine, with the ashes of destruction that Russia has heaped, and continues to heap on the people. Destroyed lives, routines, rhythms, neighborhoods, families, churches and all that makes life predictable, and most of the time, good. It’s all gone. After the first year of war, all that fled the country began to realize that going ‘back’ wasn’t really back at all.. it was back to the country of Ukraine, but not the life that was. That life is now a memory, and for us, one that we will cherish for the rest of our lives. It wasn’t perfect, of course, and we have regrets for not really enjoying the journey more than we did, but it was our life, our memories, friendships and witness to the love of Jesus.
With Lighthouse Ukraine closed for the winter, without a vision currently for re-opening until the war is finished and God reveals the next step, we are able to leave for North America with a sliver lining of a newly birthed space here. It came together over the course of 2024, and we now hand over the reigns to Elsa, and a growing team of internationals that God has drawn close. We give thanks for that, and we will be praying for them, and sending them financial resources, perhaps even some teams in 2025 as we navigate forward.
So it’s goodbye to Romania. Yesterday we had an interesting fight with the immigration department, I hesitate to even type of about it, but it’s the stuff of life when you try and legally live among the vestigates of broken soviet systems. We’ve been landlocked, unable to leave the country as a family since submitting our visa application this fall. The system is so broken, so inconsistent, and illogical, it has gotten the better of me on many occasions. We’re now forced to leave this January without the kids visas, making them essentially illegal and potentially needing to pay a fine when we exit. I don’t care anymore, I’m tired. Tired physically of jumping through their continuous hoops, tired of spending so much money on their changing processes, tired of not feeling like we belong, being visitors and second class citizens. Surely the Lord will use our multi-cultural experience moving forward, even if it’s to stand in solidarity with those on the outside looking in, refugees, folks stuck the systems that dominant cultures place outside of visible notice.
So, I didn’t mean to vent, but it all adds up when you feel like you’ve given your life to serve Christ in a foreign place, and over time, that foreign place does it’s work on your soul. The heart longs to be home, to belong, and those living in other countries are in a constant state, even at the best of times, of home sickness. Now that we are flying to the US in January and moving up to Canada, I feel as though I’ve lost the grace, strength and patience that kept us buoyed all these years for life in foreign lands.
We are having a cute little Christmas here at our house.. our pruned down abode. Claire keeps the Christmas spirit alive, as do most children. We are really looking forward to seeing our adult children as well.. we’ll see everyone immediately except for Clark who is in Longview these days. Deb goes to Bronwyn up in NY for her delivery, and I stay back in PA with the kids and Kristin at our house in PA. Then, once babies and mamas are settled, we’ll head up to Canada, initially as visitors until Deb’s permanent residence is complete. That process started in August and had required many documents, from Ukraine, and Romania and even required Deb to fly to Bucharest twice for health certificates, biometrics (fingerprints) and xrays. We were able to get all three kids Canadian proof of citizenship this fall as well. Another arduous process.. the Canadian government is only slightly more logical, but very cumbersome and unforgiving (you can’t talk to anyone, it’s all automated).
So the plan, is that we will move next door to my parents. We’ve rented, at least for the first three months, a small house. We have no idea what we will do next. I was just informed that I’ve been overlooked for a position both Deb and I really felt peace about at a local ministry space. The interviews were on Zoom, and those never feel quite right. I suspect they went with someone less missional, someone that will follow a plan vs create one. I’m hopeful that God has something in line with our calling, our education, our hearts. However, I’m also open to working something that starts, and stops. I have many ideas, but sort of back to the drawing board with prayer and seeking God for patience and His will. We will continue to oversee Mir, the charity, channeling funds as they come, communicating and looking for ways to come alongside the Spirit from afar. Locally, my focus is on my mom, my family, she lost her son to ‘mission’ a couple decades ago, and with time limited, I hope we can make some beautiful memories and grow together.
So it’s Christmas. There’s no snow, or just a light dusting on some days. I have no desire to enter the frey, shop, or gather in groups. Deb is on break, having pushed hard this past semester with her Chaplainy course. She has 3 more semesters left, and will graduate, Lord willing, August 2025. It’s going to cost around $10k more for her to finish. I have finished 3 years of a 4 year doctoral degree.. I lost a year from the war however and had to restart with another cohort and repeat a year.. therefor, I am still needing to finish 2 more (6 quarters). It’s pretty wild to think how long I’ve been a student while also juggling life, ministry, family etc. Still a ways to go, but I am loving my research, now that most of the literature review (reading, writing) is finished. I interview a Ukrainian, Russian, or Belorusian once per week on Zoom and collect data for my dissertation. Eventually, Lord willing, Deb and I will both be finished, and come out of this transitional season with something hopefully meaningful, perhaps even new to contribute in the world for Jesus.
This has been written for posterity, memory. I am sad, sad to be closing this chapter, but ready for this change. Change is a constant, there is no static in this life. Managing change, our own internal change, embracing the Spirit’s work.. we all have so far to go, so much more shaping to experience as we live into love more honestly. I know I do. So come Lord Jesus. We thank you for the past, be with us in the present, and make our way straight – for your name’s sake.