I’ve been reading “The Divine Conspiracy” by Dallas Willard. Spoiler alert, the conspiracy is that “God’s desire for us is that we should live in Him.” You remember, “in him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). But, what does this really mean?
Willard suggests God is, in God’s own nature, a “community of boundless love” from which we are all “invited to make a pilgrimage into.” For many of us, we’ve been taught this unifying end game is heaven, a place detached from the material world. Gratefully, the revelation of Jesus in history suggests we don’t have to wait for death for our own life to experience God’s plan for us, or the world He loves.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “Our faith is not a matter of hearing what Christ said long ago, and trying to ‘carry it out’.. Rather the real Son is at your side, He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself.” Could this be true? Could the coming of Jesus kingdom have flung open the reality in this present life to enter the passion of God’s own nature. God’s suffering, divesting, and perfectly glorious nature are indeed at work in all who believe and follow Jesus way.
This is how the kingdom of Jesus moves and advances in the earth.
To be a Christian, is to be like Jesus Christ, not just do like Christ, as meaningful as that. All our doing flows from God’s divine conspiracy to transform our being. Once we begin this journey of transformation, participating in the active will of God becomes our aim as the church. Willard says it like this. “For God is unlimited creative will, and constantly invites us, even now, into an even larger share in what he is doing.” As we are caught up into God’s active will, “our deeds become an element in God’s eternal history.”
Isn’t that a wild thought! We all want to be participants in God’s unfolding history. We all care about what’s happening in the world and if we’re human, want to be part of bringing lasting, flourishing change. Yet, to experience this, I’m learning I must enter God’s reality, and actualize God’s kingdom in the moments. His kingdom is here, and our transformation into Jesus’ image from the inside out advances it forward.
This makes mission all the more daunting, and sacrificial. God’s not interested, I believe, in a people willing to fling a particular message around to our neighbors. We are to, in the pattern of Christ’s coming, incarnate love, which begins with taking up a cross… then we are privileged to enter the lives of others, like Christ, and love (whatever the cost).
I’m reminded in all of the political upheaval presently in the West, that Jesus’ kingdom was not of this earth (Jn 18:36). That doesn’t mean that Jesus’ kingdom wasn’t intended FOR earth, but rather Jesus’ dismissal of the current world’s broken system. If ever there was a need for the church to embody Jesus, and enter our cultures as a people being transformed!
This might be the longest stretch without a post on my blog. I’ve lacked the motivation to write as things wind down here in Romania. Things change once you make a decision. We can dream, and talk of our hopes with others, but once we draw a definitive line in the sand, normal rhythms are interrupted and relationships altered.
Earlier this summer, Deb and I felt the leading of the Spirit to focus on launching Lighthouse Cluj as our last act of mission work in Eastern Europe for the foreseeable future. With my mom’s cancer incurable, we felt the invitation to trust God and move to Canada by the start of 2025. From that decision, our life became a series of check boxes, tasks, documents, and timelines. As much as we are grateful for the friends we made the first two years in Romania, the nature of those relationships changed in part because our friends realized we weren’t staying, and in part because we did.
As I sit down now, with Christmas approaching next week and life all but shut down now for the next two weeks, I’m saddened by the full weight of this transition. We’ll be moving to Canada with three of our kids, Noah (17), Abigail (12) and Claire (10). They’ve visited the US, and Canada, sometimes for extended periods due to the war, then Brent’s health crisis, but never to live, or to make friends, go to school, and integrate. It’s been 28yrs since Deb and I first moved to Canada, spending our first two years of marriage there. Starting over, yet returning home.
There’s a small silver lining in the transition. The Lord allowed us to witness a beautiful ministry launch with Lighthouse here in Cluj. It might not seem like much to others with big fancy ministries, or businesses.. but the space downtown for us is a witness to the loving mercy of Jesus in this city. We are so grateful that we’re not just leaving Ukraine, with the ashes of destruction that Russia has heaped, and continues to heap on the people. Destroyed lives, routines, rhythms, neighborhoods, families, churches and all that makes life predictable, and most of the time, good. It’s all gone. After the first year of war, all that fled the country began to realize that going ‘back’ wasn’t really back at all.. it was back to the country of Ukraine, but not the life that was. That life is now a memory, and for us, one that we will cherish for the rest of our lives. It wasn’t perfect, of course, and we have regrets for not really enjoying the journey more than we did, but it was our life, our memories, friendships and witness to the love of Jesus.
With Lighthouse Ukraine closed for the winter, without a vision currently for re-opening until the war is finished and God reveals the next step, we are able to leave for North America with a sliver lining of a newly birthed space here. It came together over the course of 2024, and we now hand over the reigns to Elsa, and a growing team of internationals that God has drawn close. We give thanks for that, and we will be praying for them, and sending them financial resources, perhaps even some teams in 2025 as we navigate forward.
So it’s goodbye to Romania. Yesterday we had an interesting fight with the immigration department, I hesitate to even type of about it, but it’s the stuff of life when you try and legally live among the vestigates of broken soviet systems. We’ve been landlocked, unable to leave the country as a family since submitting our visa application this fall. The system is so broken, so inconsistent, and illogical, it has gotten the better of me on many occasions. We’re now forced to leave this January without the kids visas, making them essentially illegal and potentially needing to pay a fine when we exit. I don’t care anymore, I’m tired. Tired physically of jumping through their continuous hoops, tired of spending so much money on their changing processes, tired of not feeling like we belong, being visitors and second class citizens. Surely the Lord will use our multi-cultural experience moving forward, even if it’s to stand in solidarity with those on the outside looking in, refugees, folks stuck the systems that dominant cultures place outside of visible notice.
So, I didn’t mean to vent, but it all adds up when you feel like you’ve given your life to serve Christ in a foreign place, and over time, that foreign place does it’s work on your soul. The heart longs to be home, to belong, and those living in other countries are in a constant state, even at the best of times, of home sickness. Now that we are flying to the US in January and moving up to Canada, I feel as though I’ve lost the grace, strength and patience that kept us buoyed all these years for life in foreign lands.
We are having a cute little Christmas here at our house.. our pruned down abode. Claire keeps the Christmas spirit alive, as do most children. We are really looking forward to seeing our adult children as well.. we’ll see everyone immediately except for Clark who is in Longview these days. Deb goes to Bronwyn up in NY for her delivery, and I stay back in PA with the kids and Kristin at our house in PA. Then, once babies and mamas are settled, we’ll head up to Canada, initially as visitors until Deb’s permanent residence is complete. That process started in August and had required many documents, from Ukraine, and Romania and even required Deb to fly to Bucharest twice for health certificates, biometrics (fingerprints) and xrays. We were able to get all three kids Canadian proof of citizenship this fall as well. Another arduous process.. the Canadian government is only slightly more logical, but very cumbersome and unforgiving (you can’t talk to anyone, it’s all automated).
So the plan, is that we will move next door to my parents. We’ve rented, at least for the first three months, a small house. We have no idea what we will do next. I was just informed that I’ve been overlooked for a position both Deb and I really felt peace about at a local ministry space. The interviews were on Zoom, and those never feel quite right. I suspect they went with someone less missional, someone that will follow a plan vs create one. I’m hopeful that God has something in line with our calling, our education, our hearts. However, I’m also open to working something that starts, and stops. I have many ideas, but sort of back to the drawing board with prayer and seeking God for patience and His will. We will continue to oversee Mir, the charity, channeling funds as they come, communicating and looking for ways to come alongside the Spirit from afar. Locally, my focus is on my mom, my family, she lost her son to ‘mission’ a couple decades ago, and with time limited, I hope we can make some beautiful memories and grow together.
So it’s Christmas. There’s no snow, or just a light dusting on some days. I have no desire to enter the frey, shop, or gather in groups. Deb is on break, having pushed hard this past semester with her Chaplainy course. She has 3 more semesters left, and will graduate, Lord willing, August 2025. It’s going to cost around $10k more for her to finish. I have finished 3 years of a 4 year doctoral degree.. I lost a year from the war however and had to restart with another cohort and repeat a year.. therefor, I am still needing to finish 2 more (6 quarters). It’s pretty wild to think how long I’ve been a student while also juggling life, ministry, family etc. Still a ways to go, but I am loving my research, now that most of the literature review (reading, writing) is finished. I interview a Ukrainian, Russian, or Belorusian once per week on Zoom and collect data for my dissertation. Eventually, Lord willing, Deb and I will both be finished, and come out of this transitional season with something hopefully meaningful, perhaps even new to contribute in the world for Jesus.
This has been written for posterity, memory. I am sad, sad to be closing this chapter, but ready for this change. Change is a constant, there is no static in this life. Managing change, our own internal change, embracing the Spirit’s work.. we all have so far to go, so much more shaping to experience as we live into love more honestly. I know I do. So come Lord Jesus. We thank you for the past, be with us in the present, and make our way straight – for your name’s sake.
Just returned from a beautiful Romanian mountain retreat and thought to post for posterity 🙂 Our friends from the Methodist church in Romania, leaders from various non-profit ministries gathered for their annual retreat and for the second year in a row, Deb and I facilitated the sessions.
We used the framework, “Stages of Faith” to give a bird’s eye view through Saturday on the formation of a self over the years.. from the early awakenings to divinity, to the initial learning stages, into production, then the mid-life characteristics of unlearning-relearning. It’s always a fun, and often challenging process to consider our own unique personhood, made in the image of God… a time to get on the balcony and look upon the dancefloor.
In any case, we’re grateful for friends, and hope we can return Lord willing next fall and continue investing in deeper friendships and learning with these and other friends.
Now, our focus turns to the final stages of our own in Romania.. as we countdown the remaining 3 months until we pack up and return to Canada to come alongside my mom in her health battle, and explore God’s next chapter in this life’s journey.
This week we are, Lord willing, selling the Big House, the guest house we used for a many-a-retreats of our own in Ukraine. It’s bittersweet.. we’re selling it to our friends, missionaries from Australia the Paxa’s. They have been serving at-risk kids and youth with an after school program for several years, and during the war.. the’ve been praying for their own space for many years and we’re all anticipating this house will be a haven for their continued healing and emotional, and spiritual growth. Then, I need to somehow get to Ukraine myself in the next 2 months in order to sign important tax documents that are impossible to do remotely for Lighthouse.
Lighthouse here in Cluj had a neat week, hosting international college students in our free co-working zone. The word is slowly getting out, and we pray they find this space welcoming and part of their own relational and academic rhythms. Pray Elsa and her team that she is trying to assemble so that she’s not the only one managing the space during the week.
Lots of other things happening, from documents for Deb (Canada), to flights just purchased – Deb will fly out January 10th to Bronwyn for her baby arrival, then January 15th the rest of us fly to PA for Kristen’s. We’ll be arriving just as two new grandbabies arrive in the world!
Great news! Deb and I received 5 year Romanian visas! It’s really a last-minute miracle for us and keeps the door open for our family to legally return for short and long term if God doesn’t have any obvious next steps for us. We aren’t sure what is next, and holding all things before the Lord – praying that age-old prayer, the one that pulls all believing hearts back to the throne of mercy in times of uncertainty.. “Not my will, but Yours be done.”
Never have the months peeled off a calendar like these past few years. Being uprooted from the routines of life seems to excite the senses. We become much more aware of things we hadn’t noticed before. I recall first moving to Ukraine from Texas. Having lived in a state that felt like one long summer, at least for a Canadian, time seemed to stand still. It was only after we spent our first full season in Ukraine that I realized just how quickly life was passing by – it was the changing of the seasons, the falling of the leaves.. they were materialized markers waving me an alert as to the brevity of this journey.
Now, having spend the past almost three years in Romania, we can barely keep track of what was when. Deb and I struggle to remember what year, let along what month something happened since leaving Ukraine. September is leaving us, it was a gloriously beautiful month, the weather allowed us to enjoy many BBQ’s on our patio, and leave the windows open after a long hot summer without AC. Tomorrow the temperatures will drop 20 degrees sending a shock wave across our bow, winter is coming, get ready, and life is moving, in case we’ve forgotten.
The Lighthouse Cluj team is assembled. We have Elsa, Alejandro and his family, Kwame and his, along with Onisim the potential of a few seeking friends. We’ve been doing some learning together, discovering values, strength finders and some co-mentoring. I’ve been enjoying helping one of them get enrolled in a trauma course, something they want to invest in for future ministry. Another we’ve been feeding some Fuller learning courses to, an area of their passion is to continue learning more about scripture and a teaching ministry.
Together we will open the space to international students who are arriving for the first week of school which beings, oddly, only the first week of October. We believe the space will be busy, and interactive, and we pray, life-giving. We want to unite believers and welcome visitors of all nationalities and backgrounds. Radical hospitality is one of our core values.
I’ve written, today, a little devotional thought on the beauty of humility. A topic I don’t profess to excel in, but one that I’ve enjoyed reading about this week. You can read is here on our other site – https://sacredformation.com/the-beauty-of-humility/
A little about our family. Deb is now in her final year (4 courses) to complete her Master’s in Chaplaincy degree at Fuller. She’s somehow keeping up. I’m trying to journey alongside her OT course as I regretted not being able to take it during my MAGL. I am finishing up the final semester of year 2 (of 4) of my DGL. I’m now interviewing Slavic leaders, ages 25-40yrs old, that have experienced Western-style leadership over the course of their Christian experience. I’m studying the relationship between leadership styles and the spiritual formation journey to self-discovery. It’s really interesting, I pray I can finish this despite many upcoming, continued transitions.
Noah is doing well, it seems. He is taking piano lessons again with Nata, a Ukrainian professional pianist, they are similar creative souls and we are so grateful for God’s provision as we’ve always felt Noah will flourish if given the opportunity in the musical area. He’s composing, practicing, non-stop it seems. He has these woodwind instruments as well, and sometimes we still hear the guitar, but mostly he’s focused on the piano. Soon he’ll have to decide if he’s going to go all in, do college, be a music major.. we’ll see!
Abigail is the same height as Deb! She’s only 12. She’s growing into a beautiful soul, and a pretty thing too. I will have quite the job warding off the boys. She reads nonstop, and I’m told she is homeschooling though I can never tell what is school and what is drawing, her other passion. She will start a photography course, I think this week.. as will she try out swimming lessons at a local Cluj swim club. I think she would be an amazing competitive swimmer, but that’s just a dad hunch. While we have the options, I want to try and give her opportunity to explore a few things –
Claire is, well, claire. Not only our youngest, but sweetest, and quite emotionally demanding for Deb. Claire loves to talk, she is constantly wanting to engage. She loves to cook, do crafty and often uniquely claire things (she loves tape!). We love her heart, she’s super kind. She still struggles with learning academically, and is behind in probably every category, comparatively, but excels in many unique Claire ways.. We will need to start looking for more help to help her in areas of schooling.
We will be selling the Big House to our friends in Rzyschiv soon. They will use it for their ministry to children in the area who need help. We prayed about this over the past few years, and most recently this summer, not really thinking we’d be able to sell anything before the war officially ends. We’re selling at a very good, reduced price, and grateful for Deb’s parents who have been exceedingly gracious as well to both bless us with help in the sale, and continuing a kingdom mindset to bless others who are serving Jesus by giving them God deals. They have been a good example of holding material things loosely and trusting God for the big picture.
Both our parents are in their 70s now and with that, issues of aging health and family responsibility is becoming more obvious. Has live snuck up on us this quickly? I guess if we’re already grandparents to two sweety kids, and about to add two more in January, the answer to that rhetorical question is.. yes.
We are now prayerfully deciding to move back to Canada in the new year to be with my mom. Her cancer, gratefully, is not advancing, but the diagnosis remains critical and her healthy years ahead are not to be taken for granted. We haven’t yet communicated to our supporters and friends, but we are planning to return in the New Year, with an open-ended season – coming alongside my parents, and we’ll look to find meaningful work, be self-supported and see what God has in store. We’ll leave doors open, of course, but something tells us that our days as full-time ‘in-country’ missionaries are coming to an end. This isn’t because we want this, we are actually REALLY enjoyed the ways in which God is using us in this season, and we really love Cluj! However, we are trying to follow the leading of the Spirit, again. We have been intentionally passing off roles, and responsibilities so that Lighthouse will move ahead without us being here in person. We’ll maintain a mentoring and logistical role in our US Charity. It will be interesting to see how this all shakes out, but we have peace and a calm in our hearts which we hold very dear in this season.
Awaiting the surprising ways of God. Lord, you have been faithful. Lead us, and watch over us in this next chapter, whatever might come. You have been forming us, and filling us with something to contribute, we know we are not finished and somehow your kingdom will offer us more opportunities to contribute to it’s continuous coming.
